Last week’s column focused on changing the way we think about fear. One of the biggest fears many of us carry is the fear of failure. And let’s be honest, failure can feel awful when we’re living through it. But just as we need a healthier mindset about fear, we also need one about failure.

You’ve probably read books or blogs telling you to see failure as an opportunity to learn. I couldn’t agree more. Failure is one of life’s greatest teachers, but only if we’re willing to become its student. If we get stuck replaying the failure instead of learning from it, we can end up believing the failure defines us. That’s when progress comes to a screeching halt.

The truth is, every successful person you admire has a long list of failures they rarely talk about. Athletes lose championships. Entrepreneurs launch businesses that don’t survive. Great parents have difficult days. Every one of us has moments we’d love to do over. Failure isn’t reserved for the unprepared or the untalented. It’s simply part of being human.

Zig Ziglar said it perfectly: “Failure is an event, not a person; yesterday really did end last night.”

What a freeing perspective.

When we truly believe failure is an event, not an identity, it loses its grip on us. Life is full of victories worth celebrating, but it’s also full of setbacks that can feel like a punch to the stomach. Those moments are inevitable. Staying there is optional.

That gut-punch feeling actually has value. Yes, failure teaches us what didn’t work, but it can also ignite something even more powerful: determination. Most of us never want to make the same mistake twice. That desire becomes fuel, pushing us to improve, prepare and practice.

Practice is where failure begins to lose. The next time you stumble, resist the urge to ask, “What’s wrong with me?” Instead, ask, “What is this trying to teach me?” One question leads to discouragement. The other leads to growth. The answer may require hard work, humility and patience, but those qualities have a way of producing lasting confidence.

Last week I was playing golf with a good friend who is normally a very solid golfer. Unfortunately, he started with two bogeys and then added a double bogey on the third hole. Frustrated, he muttered that he was failing miserably that morning.

I smiled and borrowed Zig’s quote with a slight edit.

“Failure is an event, not a person. That last golf hole ended when you made the putt.”

He laughed, relaxed and promptly turned his round around, stringing together several pars before finishing the front nine with a birdie. Amazing what can happen when you stop carrying the last hole into the next one.

Salespeople know this feeling all too well.

After hearing “no” enough, it’s easy to start believing you’re the problem. Losing a long, complex sales opportunity after months of work can leave even experienced professionals questioning themselves. That’s when mindset matters most.

The golfer, the salesperson and every one of us has the same choice. We can let failure become a label, or we can let it become a lesson.

The golfer heads back to the practice range, works on the fundamentals, and maybe even takes a lesson. The salesperson sharpens their skills through coaching, role-playing, account planning and, today, AI-powered practice sessions that can be done anytime from the privacy of the home or the office.

Growth doesn’t happen because we failed. Growth happens because we respond to failure by practicing.

That’s the invitation for all of us.

Don’t thank failure for showing up. None of us enjoys that part. But do thank it for refusing to let you stay where you are. Failure has an incredible way of pointing us toward the work that leads to our next breakthrough.

So let me ask you: Has failure knocked you down, or has it pushed you forward? I’d love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com. When we stop treating failure as our identity and start treating it as our teacher, life really can become a better-than-good life.

Michael Norton is an author, a personal and professional coach, consultant, trainer, encourager, and motivator of individuals and businesses, working with organizations and associations across multiple industries.