‘Parents shouldn't feel obligated to indefinitely store their adult children's belongings’

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Like many parents with adult children who’ve left home, you’ve amassed a collection of boxes containing stuff they’ve promised to one day pick up. Before you know it, the boxes have been collecting dust for years and you’re frustrated that your home is being used as their personal storage unit.

“In my work as a professional organizer, I’ve walked into many basements, garages and spare bedrooms where parents will point to an area and say, ‘That’s all my daughter’s stuff’ or ‘Those boxes belong to my son.’ Sometimes their children haven’t lived at home for years,” says Professional Organizers in Canada President Noreen Music.

There are various reasons why kids may store their belongings at their parents’ home. “Sometimes they’re moving into a smaller apartment or condo and simply don’t have the space,” Music says. “Other times, they’re moving temporarily for school, work or travel and aren’t ready to make permanent decisions about their belongings.”

Sentimental attachment can also play a role. “Childhood keepsakes, photographs, school memorabilia, sports equipment, books and other personal items carry memories so it’s much easier to say, ‘I’ll leave this at Mom and Dad’s for now’ than to decide what to do with it,” she says.

Music has worked with countless parents who are ready to reclaim a basement, bedroom or garage but feel guilty about asking their adult children to deal with their belongings. “Meanwhile, they’re unable to use a significant part of their own home because they’re storing things for someone who no longer lives there.”

She encourages having a conversation rather than simply getting rid of someone’s belongings and giving your kids a reasonable deadline. Consider this example: “We’re planning to reorganize the basement this fall, so I’d like you to go through your belongings before October 1 and decide what you’d like to take with you.”

Setting a deadline is important. “’Come and get your stuff sometime’ is very easy to postpone. A specific date creates a decision point. And if the adult child says, ‘But I want to keep all of it,’ I think there’s a very useful question parents can ask: ‘That’s absolutely fine. Where would you like it to live?’”

If it’s important enough to keep, it’s important to have a plan for where it will be stored, Music reminds. “Parents shouldn’t feel obligated to indefinitely store their adult children’s belongings simply because they happen to have more space.”

What advice does she give adult children who don’t like clutter or simply don’t have room for all their personal belongings? “The first thing I recommend is being selective about what truly deserves to be kept. You don’t need to keep every item associated with a memory to keep the memory,” Music says.

“Someone might have several boxes of childhood keepsakes, schoolwork, trophies and photographs because everything feels important when it’s all mixed together. Once we actually go through it, they may discover that there are only a handful of things that really mean something to them.”

Rather than keeping numerous boxes, Music suggests creating one meaningful memory bin containing favourite photographs, letters, childhood artwork and a few special keepsakes. “Suddenly, what felt overwhelming becomes manageable.”

She has also seen people keep large items simply because of the person or memory associated with them. “Sometimes taking a photograph of the object or keeping one representative piece is enough to preserve that connection,” says Music.

For everything else, she encourages people to ask themselves the following questions: Do I use it? Do I need it? Do I love it? Would I choose to bring this into my home today? And realistically, when will I use it again?

“Items in good condition can be donated, sold or passed along to someone who will actually use them.” Music also encourages people to think carefully before paying for long-term storage. “I’ve worked with people who realize they’ve spent more storing their belongings over the years than those belongings are actually worth,” she says. “At that point, the storage unit itself can become part of the problem.”

A recent survey of 2,000 people who’ve moved away from home found that 46 per cent of Americans still use their parents’ place as a personal storage unit and that trend isn’t limited to younger generations, Talker Research reports. It found:

• The average person who keeps things with their folks has nine boxes stored.

• 82 per cent of Gen Z, 69 per cent of millennials and 46 per cent of Gen X confessed to keeping some of their belongings at their parents’ home.
• Respondents cited preservation and safekeeping as the top reason for storing belongings at their parents’ homes (41 per cent).