Content note: This article discusses suicide.

You may have seen “Peter Pan Girl” videos circulating on Instagram and TikTok, all about Christina Toni Kulusich, a woman who goes to Disneyland regularly, then finds a cast member playing Peter Pan so she can talk to him and give him gifts. She is often seen in her videos taking walks with him, and asking him questions. Many creators have begun discussing her activities as stalking, harassment, and mental illness—and have also been concerned for the actor who plays Peter. However the response clearly shows how little tolerance society still has for behaviour that isn’t seen as “the norm.”

Whilst it is unclear if this girl is autistic, or has any other disability or mental health condition, seeing comments such as, “She should still know that harassment isn’t OK!” show the intolerance that people still have towards those who struggle with awareness of social cues, or understanding the boundaries of those around them—such as many moderate to high care autistics.

Whilst it is important to learn about and respect social boundaries, my concern is less about what is happening and more about how people respond. We, as a society, are still not comfortable with disabled people showing disabled behaviour, despite the constant “awareness days” and “we support autistic people” slogans. The Peter Pan Girl discourse has blown the doors open on a society where you will absolutely be villainised if you cannot pass as abled or neurotypical. It shows there is little tolerance for those on the higher care end of the disability community, whether we are autistic, and/or bipolar, or have schizophrenia. As soon as a person shows they might have a socially complicated disability, the level of discomfort from neurotypicals is astounding.

And yes, whilst it’s important to keep everyone safe (and Disney has enough security and staff to ensure that safety) I’m more concerned about the society that disabled people are trying to survive in. The society where you will be made out to be the “crazy stalker” if your behaviour doesn’t match that of the neurotypicals around you. The society where only certain levels of autism are deemed acceptable, whereas the rest is villainised.

Disability advocacy has to include understanding that disabled people may display behaviours that are uncomfortable, and balancing that knowledge with keeping everyone safe. So when disabled people show evidence of disability such as mania, obsessions, hearing voices, talking to themselves, even removing clothes in public, addiction, or self-harm behaviours, we need to help non-disabled people come to terms with their discomfort around these behaviours, and learn best practices for interacting (including when to ask for help, and when to leave people be). We need, as a society, to get better abound responding with empathy and grace, instead of judgment and righteousness.

Unfortunately, society is still not ready to have those conversations, and because of this there will be a number of disabled people continuously villainised online by people who have no knowledge of what is actually happening, and who would still judge harshly even if a diagnosis was known.

It is worth pointing out that whilst the Peter Pan Girl might not have any diagnosis whatsoever, there are disabled creators online who do have a diagnosis and may share their videos online. In these videos they may display autistic or other developmental disorder behaviours—and I honestly fear for the hate and judgment they can get because there is so little tolerance for obviously disabled people in the online community. There’s an expectation that if you are able to post online, you must also be able to get rid of any disabled traits that might make others feel uncomfortable—even though those traits are a part of that disability.

It’s “acceptance” until an autistic person doesn’t act their biological age. It’s “acceptance” until a disabled person who has a development disorder can’t understand boundaries or appropriate topics of conversation. It’s “acceptance” until a disabled person with mental illness has a manic episode in public.

This is not saying that disabled people are incapable of doing wrong; like any other humans, disabled people should be held liable when they cause harm. But it is also causing harm when non-disabled people blame disabled people for having disabled behaviours, pigeonhole them either as a villain or too disabled to understand, and make no effort to consider whether disability is playing a role in the disabled person’s actions. Especially when those non-disabled people are making judgments based on a five second video.

It’s also worth reiterating that Disney has a tremendous amount of security, and that they are known for quickly intervening if they believe a cast member is in danger. The Peter Pan cast members might have experienced awkwardness, but they were always safe. It’s not the Internet’s job to go and pile on a complete stranger in the name of accountability—something that could have even worse effects if that person has a mental health condition that makes them especially vulnerable. Going viral and having armies of people scapegoat you can easily cause someone to harm themselves, or go as far as committing suicide—as we have seen recently with the tragedy of Professor Jason Arday.

To summarise: I do not believe we can fully say we support or understand disabled people if we are not willing to understand disabled behaviours that can cause discomfort, and maybe it’s about time we try harder—because otherwise, we are part of the problem.