With a world in crisis and an art market spinning out of control, ace art-world consultants Chen & Lampert deliver hard truths in response to questions sent by Art in America readers from far and wide.

The viral popularity of septuagenarian curator Alison Luchs’s posts at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., is amazing. Gen Z loves her, and the director of our small museum wants us to join in on the trend. I am basically the communications team and was tasked with identifying a senior citizen on staff to do a similar tour for Instagram and TikTok. I’ve made a short list but can’t help but wonder: Is this a form of elder abuse?

Thank you for sounding the mistreatment medical-alert button. Coaxing a senior citizen into ironically using brainrot language they don’t comprehend has been linked to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. As a geriatric high-level government employee, Alison Luchs is far from your average Manchurian candidate. Like Trump, she might receive regular booster shots and vitamin supplements (no, they aren’t vaccines) that greatly boost her abilities to rap, serve, and slay. You may not have someone on staff with her charisma (rizz) or stamina, so when auditioning an elder to exploit, please make sure that they are in on the joke. If you don’t, then you may become the recipient of their elder abuse, which as we all know works both ways.

As a gallery director, I have a defined place in the hierarchy. While our owner claims to have stepped back, she still continues to micromanage everything. When the Epstein files were released in a searchable way, I discovered correspondence with our top collector. It discussed financial matters and forwarded emails, and from reviewing flight logs it’s clear that he visited Epstein’s ranch on multiple occasions. The collector showed up yesterday to preview our new show and is putting a six-figure piece on reserve. He hasn’t been called out yet, but I believe it will happen soon. Should I inform the gallery owner that we must distance ourselves from him?

Epstein got away with his misdeeds because of the complacency and cooperation of those who benefited from his web of influence. His network of politicians, philanthropists, and tycoons played dumb to shield his reprehensible actions. These same powerbrokers are now professing innocence, maintaining distance, and withholding vital information to prevent their own downfalls. (They may have also assassinated him in a suicide frame-up, but that’s a separate matter.) Your shady collector circulated in Epstein’s circles and could be complicit, but does this make him guilty? Yes, probably, but let’s chew on this for two more paragraphs.

Rich people don’t come cheap, and they aren’t easy to nab! Every university, nonprofit, and underfunded cultural organization is desperately seeking their own Epstein. They aren’t clamoring for human-trafficking perverts to chair their boards; it just so happens that many of the megarich are human-trafficking perverts. Development departments and alumni offices actively cultivate major patrons who’ll cut six-figure-plus checks, yet they rarely question where the money comes from. The same decorum is true at art galleries, where few ever interrogate prosperous patrons about the source of their disposable wealth. A gallery director’s primary duty is to foster relationships and close sales, but now that you’re moonlighting as a detective, the burden of busting felons also falls in your lap.

You absolutely must tell the owner about the Epstein connection, even if your collector is only a potential perp. Epstein met thousands of people, and that doesn’t make all of them instantly guilty, but, in this case, you’ve uncovered evidence of a troubling relationship. Will your boss really ghost him? She likely knows that Epstein’s twisted money ties have already benefited the gallery, and they may actually be paying for your health insurance. We wonder: Do you similarly judge other collectors by the company they keep and the businesses they run? If so, then coax the owner into severing ties with the arms manufacturers, tech dickheads, and money launderers who constitute your clientele. You’ve sold art to a lot of horrendous people, and every top-tier art collector is a potential Jeffrey Epstein. THEY’RE ALL GUILTY, if you look hard enough.