Love after prison brings new challenges for couples. Michael Philpot shares advice for making a relationship work when incarceration ends and reentry begins.

If you read the first article I wrote entitled Love on Lockdown: Navigating Romantic Relationships While Incarcerated, I wanted to follow up. With the first article, I kinda was using a more narrow, personal viewpoint type of approach. However, with this one, I’m hoping for a much wider, in-general type of approach or perspective.

This is for all of you who dared to embark on that mystical journey of finding love on lockdown and have steadied the course all the way to love after prison.

Let me start with the half of the relationship that’s coming out of prison: the inmate. That is, in all honesty, the half that really has to set the tone for the new phase of the relationship, because the person on the outside is waiting to see how you’re going to act.

If you’re incarcerated or have ever been incarcerated, you know firsthand—or have at least seen or heard firsthand—how hard it is to get, maintain, and keep a serious and meaningful relationship while you’re incarcerated. So, if you’re one of the fortunate few that have accomplished this feat, you should already know how blessed you are.

If this individual has seriously stuck by you through however long you’ve been locked up, you shouldn’t take this lightly.

With that being said, you’ve got your partner, they’ve stuck by you, and now you’re about to be released. This is where everything gets put to the test. This is where show and tell comes into play.

Now you actually have to make good on all of those promises and back up all that “I’ma do right” talk that I’m pretty sure went on at some point throughout your incarceration/relationship. You’re gonna have to actually show this person that you’re truly grateful for them being in your life and sticking by your side through one of your lowest—if not the lowest—points in your life.

That’s done by keeping an open line of communication, being certain of what’s expected of you once you’re out, and doing your best to stand on business.

If you know good and damn well that you intend to play games and bullshit, at least be grown about it. Sit that person down and tell them out the gate (pun intended) that you appreciate what they’ve done for you, but you’d rather remain just friends instead of trying for something more serious—especially if you plan on roaming once you’re out. They, of course, will be somewhat hurt and upset, but I’m sure the average person can respect that a lot better than you getting out and playing with their heart and wasting their time even more.

However, if you do plan on doing the right thing, get out and do it. Make that person feel as though everything they went through was worth it. It’s truly a test of your love, patience, and dedication to ride with a person throughout their time of incarceration. I truly applaud those who do, because so many choose not to.

Do what you know you need to do to keep a smile on that person’s face and a warmth in their heart. Whether that entails getting up and going to work and footing your share of the bills, or giving daily back massages and foot rubs, or even daily fellatio or cunnilingus—stand on business.

Let’s get to the other half of the relationship, the outmate. If that’s you, your role is to continue to be supportive of your inmate, who’s about to go through a lot of changes very quickly.

It takes a lot—mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially—going from the inside to being back on the outside. So your love, support, and patience are going to be greatly needed, especially for inmates who have been gone a long time.

If possible, try not to be too nitpicky or demanding at first, but allow your inmate to adjust at their own pace while showing them that you’re still there to help them in any way you can. It may not be possible for them to find the best job right off the bat—or any job, as far as that goes—so be mindful of that. Also, help them with searching out and finding all of the available benefits that are out there for ex-offenders and/or convicted felons.

Hopefully, with continued love, support, dedication, and of course, open and honest communication, you can help your inmate’s transition be an easy and smooth one. Love after prison is truly an amazing thing and has been proven to turn some of the hardest and seemingly most incorrigible inmates into the most caring, reformed, and changed individuals, so never doubt its power.

As you navigate through the terrain of love on lockdown and love after prison, it’s my hope that it’s a blessed and joyous one.